Fatigue is starting to take it’s toll on me.
The last few nights, I still haven’t been sleeping worth a damn. I’m feeling tired. Emotional. Distant. Pointless.
I know that these thoughts are just that, though. Thoughts. However, thoughts can destroy someone just as quickly as any outside influence. Thoughts can be insidious. They can alter one’s perception of reality. Thoughts can feel real.
It’s been said that intention is out-weighed by perception. It doesn’t matter how good of intention someone’s plans are, if the optics of the situation are bad, the optics will outweigh the intention.
The same can be said for one’s own thoughts. If someone is struggling with depression, their thoughts will be colored by the depression, it doesn’t matter how good or bad the thoughts are. The good will be diminished, and the bad reaches new lows.
I know when I start struggling the way I do at times, it can be hard to interpret thoughts without the filter of depression. Adding the fatigue into the situation further muddies the waters.
Some days lately have definitely been better than others. Some days it feels like things are coming together, other days it feels like I’m barely keeping my head above water as I float in a sea of self-doubt, self-loathing, and self-hatred.
I know I’ve been here before. I can fight through this. I just hope I can before I end up in hospital again.