Change

Another August long weekend is in the rear view, and summer is already half over.

Where has the time escaped to, and what does this fall hold in store?

I know this fall is going to be different. I don’t know whether that means better or worse, but I do know different.  This fall will mark the first time in a few years that outside of regular appointments I won’t be involved in any sort of intensive therapy.

That thought scares the crap out of me. I know I have found a niche for myself reporting in my town and some neighboring regions but I’m still not together enough to maintain any sort of full-time job for any length of time. I am still trying to define my limits so I can balance looking after my health, and looking after my bank account.

I’m scared not having the more intensive therapy in place this fall, especially since the fall is when I am usually at my worst. I’m scared that every time I see my doctor she tries to lower my meds more and more. Why fix what is working? To me that seriously seems like someone riding a bike having someone shove a stick into the tire, then ask why you fell. Like seriously, why not leave the hell alone if things are working.

I’ve been kind of mixed over the last couple of weeks, since my doctor started decreasing one of my meds. I will be completely off it this week. With the fatigue and high tension emotions I’m feeling I am trying to figure out whether the med was more effective than I thought or if the unease is just a byproduct of coming off the med that will level itself out.

Unfortunately, there is no easy answer. Then again, where life is concerned, I find there seldom is. All I can do is give things time, use my skills, and try to head things off before I crash and burn yet again.

Kevin

photo of an iceberg
Photo by Jim Flanary on Pexels.com

 

 

 

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