Inpatient update

The unofficial end of summer is imminent with the upcoming labor day weekend. This summer, though somewhat stressful, has absolutely blown by. Unfortunately, I am again in hospital for the end of summer. Looking at the positives though, I got here before I waited too long. I will be the first to admit that I'm … Continue reading Inpatient update

Update: The reality of the situation

So tentative discharge has been set for September 10. The doctor wants me to have a good couple weeks worth of groups and recharge time, as well as getting the meds figured out again. I'm definitely doing better than when I was admitted last Friday, but I'm still feeling the lingering fatigue and stress. I … Continue reading Update: The reality of the situation

The battle in the dark.

The long white halls, Door after door of those in pain. I have been here before, The darkness has returned. For many long years, The hallways have been my safe place, Receding here when the darkness returns. The journey has not been easy. The journey has not been pleasant. The scars on my body a … Continue reading The battle in the dark.

Divine intervention, and an update

One of my biggest concerns this admission was who was replacing the doctor that left the facility in February, and would the person have the same level of understanding? I found out when I saw my attending today that it was....him. He is back covering for a week. To call this Devine intervention almost has … Continue reading Divine intervention, and an update

Crash

To say I feel exhausted does not even begin to describe it. Over the last couple of weeks I have crashed. Hard. I haven't been sleeping much over the last few days. I think last night I would have been lucky to get four hours of broken sleep. My appetite has crashed and I have … Continue reading Crash

Lost motivation

My motivation is gone. I have stories to write. Deadlines to meet. I have a life to be productive with. Instead, I don't even have the concentration for my video games, my go to distraction. I just want to crawl into bed, and sleep forever. I don't want to deal with people. I don't want … Continue reading Lost motivation

Trigger warning: Surviving until dawn…

I'm in a dark place at the moment. The fatigue from trouble sleeping, the general busy-ness of summer, and the medication changes have all caught up with me. It's just another speed bump on my road to recovery, of which there has been many. The static in my mind, the intrusive thoughts, the darkness seeping … Continue reading Trigger warning: Surviving until dawn…

Tired…

Fatigue is starting to take it's toll on me. The last few nights, I still haven't been sleeping worth a damn. I'm feeling tired. Emotional. Distant. Pointless. I know that these thoughts are just that, though. Thoughts. However, thoughts can destroy someone just as quickly as any outside influence. Thoughts can be insidious. They can … Continue reading Tired…

A storm is moving in

Over the last few days, I've been struggling. I've been grumpy. Life has been traveling a mile a minute. I've been taking things in stride,  but cracks are starting to show in my foundation. Enough of them to make worried about my ability to withstand the storm. L and I celebrated a decade of marriage … Continue reading A storm is moving in

Post traumatic stress in first first responders is real.

Mental health matters. It matters in everyone. In our teachers. In our cops. In our firefighters and paramedics. Everyone. I've been struggling with mental health issues since my early 20's. As I grew into my late 20's I thought I more or less had a handle on things. I coasted for a few years, and … Continue reading Post traumatic stress in first first responders is real.

Change

Another August long weekend is in the rear view, and summer is already half over. Where has the time escaped to, and what does this fall hold in store? I know this fall is going to be different. I don't know whether that means better or worse, but I do know different.  This fall will … Continue reading Change

Last decade, lost decade

Another long weekend is upon us. Where the hell has this summer gone? I've definitely been busy. I've been attempting to write more, I've been spending lot's of time on the road, and I have been rehabbing the shoulder. This summer has flown by. If I wasn't busy enough, I've been helping coordinate my parents … Continue reading Last decade, lost decade

Mental illness and physical illness share something: ILLNESS.

Mental illness is a bitch. There is no other way to describe it. Dealing with mental illness, and physical illness, that doesn't help matters any. I've been dealing with a nagging rotator cuff injury for the last 18 months, ever since a patch of black ice dumped me into a snow bank the hard way. … Continue reading Mental illness and physical illness share something: ILLNESS.

Game Review: Horizon Zero Dawn (No Spoilers)

With Horizon Zero Dawn coming down to a reasonable price on the Playstation Store, I decided to bite the bullet, and bought it digitally. After a 14 hour download, I was ready to play. I'm almost 30 hours into the game and haven't yet reached 30 per cent completion. It's not for lack of trying. … Continue reading Game Review: Horizon Zero Dawn (No Spoilers)

A hundred small victories can eclipse one large one.

The last weeks have had their challenges, as I posted before. Tonight I had a victory though. After a couple of sessions with a local photographer, I'm now able to take photos completely on manual mode.  The above photo is one I took tonight during the hands on component of the course. I have to … Continue reading A hundred small victories can eclipse one large one.

What the hell is baseline?

Summer is already half over, which is something I am finding hard to believe. It seems like it was just June. The month of July has had it's challenges, both financially and mentally, but I have been weathering the storm much better than I would have in the past. I've been using my skills. I've … Continue reading What the hell is baseline?