The last week has been tense.
I have been in a mood, and not a good one. I’ve been feeling angry, tired, and beat down. I’ve been splitting on L.
The worst of it is I find myself continually questioning my anger. Is it justifiable? Or is it related to one of my meds being reduced and eventually discontinued? Is it both? Or something else entirely different?
This is what happens in those who deal with mental illness, when our emotions don’t manage to fit nicely into a socially acceptable box. For myself anyways, I find my life a constant evaluation of am I over or under reacting to whatever stimulus has me triggered, and I use that in the context of someone who deals with significant mental health issues, not the left-wing snowflake I am offended at everything context.
I feel like I have definitely slid from a few weeks ago. A few weeks ago I was busy, I was loving the position that I had set up for myself, and today I am adrift. Lacking motivation. I’ve been pushing myself through, but what was easy just a short time ago, I now find to be a challenge. Thate includes getting out of bed.
In the last couple weeks I’ve gone from waking without an alarm by 0845hrs, and now I’m lucky if I can drag my ass out of bed by 1000.
I’ve been evaluating things trying to pinpoint what is going on, and all I can come up with is this is related to the medication change. I find myself wondering if this is just temporary as I adjust to the absence of the drug in my system, or if I need to get in touch with my doctor again and look at putting the brakes on this medication change.
I know I have insight into the various aspects of my mental health, and as such I can attempt to proceed more analytical than some dealing with this cesspool of diagnoses. I know I have the skills to deal with this stumble, as hard as it is.
I only hope that I can I deal with it before the darkness envelopes me completely.