To say that life has been hectic lately is a gross understatement…
I’ve been spending a considerable amount of time on the road, between delivering auction posters for a friend, appointments, and covering events in both my community and a nearby one. It’s definitely taken its toll on my mental health, which when combined with a med change, has not been a good thing.
Instead of pushing forward trying to please everyone and letting myself get burned out, I’m tapping the brakes. And that is ok. I haven’t worked much in the last five years, and combining that with my shoulder injury I am still recovering from (18 months and counting) I can’t be expected to jump in to a full time job out of the gate.
My editor and I chatted via email, and she is being extremely supportive of me taking a step back instead of pushing me into a bad and potentially unrecoverable situation.
What does pumping the breaks look like? I am still going to be writing for my local paper, and some limited coverage in the other community, however I won’t be taking on quite as much as I was, because at the moment I just can’t.
The poster run will be slowing down for the year as well, which is good too, though I love the extra cash. Again, it’s just not something that I want to push for at least another few weeks.
I need to work on me. I need to do the rehab on my shoulder. I need to work on my book that has been getting all too often neglected lately. I need to start blogging again with more frequency. I need to focus on continuing my mental health recovery as well as focusing on my reporting. Focusing on one at the expense of the other is a recipe for unpleasantness.
All of that being said, I’m not throwing my life into neutral and coasting nor am I coming to a full stop. I’m just backing off the gas.
I know that even with the challenges of late, I’m still moving in the right direction, especially after this morning. With all the travel I’ve done in the last two years, I’ve been fortunate that I haven’t had much in the way of issues on the road. Today, that got put to the test.
I picked up a rock thrown off a big rig in the mustang. It scared the crap out of me. It pissed me off too, mainly because it was so almost pristine windshield. Was I immediately flooded by feeling overwhelmed? Yes. Did I want to implode? Also yes. Did I? Nope.
I used my skills. I dealt with the issue (new windshield on Wednesday). Yes it’s a piss off. Yes it’s money I’d rather not have to spend. At the end of the day though, shit happens. The fact that I’m dealing with this even being stressed tells me where I really am mentally.
It’s not comfortable, but that’s ok. I’m course correcting before things get out of hand, and that is something not even contemplative a few years ago. It’s taken me years to get to this point, and I know I will stumble, but I’m going to carry on.