This last week, I’ve been settling into a new normal.
A normal without ever present doctors appointments, and therapy groups. It’s a normal where I am getting into the community and working a bit. It’s a normal where I am beginning to feel the pressure of the world around me.
This last week has been more stressful than I am used to. I’ve been covering events, writing, and generally keeping busy.
The writing has been an issue for me over the last few days. I’m finding that the words are not flowing like they did. Some of the pieces I’ve written for the paper I have struggled with, rewriting completely a couple times, then heavily editing it myself before I send it on to my Editor at the paper. To me, it feels like I haven’t been submitting my best work, and that has caused a an impact in my self confidence.
I know I’m still learning my trade. I know I have no cause to be kicking my own ass, as M has told me regularly. I’m hoping that this is just a rough patch, and not the signs of an impending implosion.
Either way, I know I’ve been here before. My wife has been an amazing support to me, even while dealing with her own health issues. My editor has been amazing, supportive, and more than willing to pass on her knowledge after being in the field for over 30 years herself. I’m also armed with an arsenal of skills that I didn’t have before.
I know I’m going to be alright. I know I have battles in front of me, but I think the worst is past, and if not I kow I have a wicked support system in place.
I know one of the biggest issues I face is fear of change. I hate change, and transitioning out of my support group is one of the biggest changes I could have made. I have thoughts of regret. I have shades of self-doubt.
I also know that with everything I have faced before, I will weather this storm. I just have to find my new normal…