Ghosts linger in everyone’s life.
Memories of life lived.
Memories of those gone before us.
I carry my ghosts in my memories.
My ghosts are the ones.
The ones I couldn’t save.
I’m haunted by flashes of the past.
I remember you, ghosts.
I remember how you died.
I remember telling your family
That there was nothing we could do.
I don’t think we failed.
We were highly trained,
Your injuries were just too severe.
Your body, so old, we could not push it going again.
I bore witness to too many injured.
I bore witness to too many dead.
I bore witness to too many families shattered.
Each time I bore witness to this
I cleaned up, I carried on
I got back on the ambulance
Never realising that each time I bore this pain in others
I left a part of myself behind.
Ghosts still haunt me.
I did not remain unaffected.
In time, I became a living ghost
With a shattered empty soul.
Today I stand.
I have begun healing.
I have begun exorcising my ghosts.
Today, I no longer straddle the line of living or dead.
Ghosts still haunt me
And I wrestle with recovering
My lost pieces from them.