Month: April 2018

Every Journey Begins With A First Step

by thrutheashesblog, posted in borderline personality disorder, bpd, journalism, Mental health, Mental Health recovery, ptsd, reporter, Writing Therapy

I've been finding a routine the last few days with L being gone to the Calgary Comic Expo. I have to admit that it has been quiet with her gone. However, I have managed to keep myself somewhat busy with odds and ends around the house, as well as working at our bookstore. When I … Continue reading Every Journey Begins With A First Step

Finding My Voice With My Writing.

by thrutheashesblog, posted in borderline personality disorder, bpd, Emergency medical services, ems, Fast cars, Ford Mustang, journalism, Mental health, Mental Health recovery, Mustang Life, reporter, Writing Therapy

Today was a significant improvement on yesterday, although that is still setting the bar fairly low. Today was spent trying to work through the mess I created yesterday, and on the road to Red Deer to see my psychologist, and grab a couple things. As for the mess I created yesterday, I took the Mustang … Continue reading Finding My Voice With My Writing.

One of those days…

by thrutheashesblog, posted in borderline personality disorder, bpd, Fast cars, Ford Mustang, Mental health, Mental Health recovery, Mustang Life, ptsd, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Today, I am hanging on y my finger tips. My morning off started not great, and it hasn't helped my already unstable emotions that I have been having over the last several weeks. I had some weird dreams last night, and din't sleep all that well. I woke up feeling kind of spacey. Seeing as … Continue reading One of those days…

Time. My Nemisis.

by thrutheashesblog, posted in borderline personality disorder, bpd, Mental health, Mental Health recovery, ptsd, suicide survivor, Writing Therapy

Lately I have been tired. I've been struggling to find motivation to get moving in the mornings. I've been struggling to find my balance. Every day lately has been a game of "what kind of mood am I going to be in this morning?" I know that looking at things in the long term, I … Continue reading Time. My Nemisis.

Weathering the storm, and missing pieces

by thrutheashesblog, posted in borderline personality disorder, bpd, Mental health, Mental Health recovery, ptsd, Writing Therapy

The sun has finally decided to make an appearance and the temperature has managed to consistently crawl above 0c , so I think we are finally turning the corner and moving into spring. It has felt like an incredibly long winter, and I am looking forward to the weather getting more pleasant, especially with my … Continue reading Weathering the storm, and missing pieces

Finding my Role

by thrutheashesblog, posted in borderline personality disorder, bpd, Emergency medical services, ems, Mental health, Mental Health recovery, suicide survivor, Uncategorized, Writing Therapy

Today has been....interesting. I've recently started as a freelance reporter in my small town where "nothing happens". The last two weeks I have been running, and in fact submitted have submitted 4-5 articles for publication per week. Today has been spent mainly in front of the computer writing, so figured I would give an update … Continue reading Finding my Role

I love my car, but ugh: Repair update

by thrutheashesblog, posted in borderline personality disorder, bpd, Fast cars, Ford Mustang, Mustang Life

I am getting annoyed that as soon as one thing seems to improve, something else screws up. As far as my emotional and mental health issues, things are stabilizing. Definitely not perfect, but today has been way better than the last couple of weeks. On that front at least. I got the parts I needed … Continue reading I love my car, but ugh: Repair update

Writing prompt: The escape

by thrutheashesblog, posted in borderline personality disorder, bpd, Fiction, Mental health, Mental Health recovery, Original Story, Writing prompt, Writing Therapy

Writing Prompt She opened her apartment door to hundreds of Roses. She knew they were from him; he had found her.  She stifled back tears as she reached for the phone in her purse. As she was dialing the emergency number, her phone rang. It was an unknown number. Her heart leapt in her chest. … Continue reading Writing prompt: The escape

The Only Easy Day Was Yesterday

by thrutheashesblog, posted in borderline personality disorder, bpd, Mental health, Mental Health recovery, ptsd

I hate dealing with mental illness. I hate feeling better, pushing myself, then falling down all over again.  I hate that after almost two decades of dealing with this monster inside my mind, I still haven't found an effective way to stabilize. I definitely hate that in some ways I stigmatize myself by feeling that … Continue reading The Only Easy Day Was Yesterday

#Humboldt Strong

by thrutheashesblog, posted in borderline personality disorder, bpd, Emergency medical services, ems, Humboldt Bronco's, Mental health, Mental Health recovery, ptsd, Uncategorized

One would have to be living under a rock or at the bottom of the ocean to not have heard about the disaster that took the lives of 15 members of the Saskatchewan SJHL hockey team the Humboldt Bronco's. Much has been said, even when there hasn't been a lot to say as the events … Continue reading #Humboldt Strong

Falling

by thrutheashesblog, posted in borderline personality disorder, bpd, Mental health, poetry, poetry, ptsd, Uncategorized

Falling. Everything falls some time. The stars fall into black holes. Satellites fall from orbit. Civilizations rise and fall. People fall regularity. Physically, Spiritually, Mentally. Falling. Into the abyss. I tumble. I fall. I reach out. There is no one there. I dig in, I claw for a handhold. I arrest the fall as best … Continue reading Falling