Wow. What a week! I’m home, and feeling a lot better after just under 2 weeks in hospital. It’s been a wild ride. I was admitted to our regional psychiatric Centre due to severe suicidal ideation. I’m not ashamed to admit that I was in need of some extra support. Between the PTSD and borderline symptoms, life can get overwhelming.
I don’t know how to describe how I feel at times. To be tearing apart mentally, wanting to die, yet wanting to live, feeling nothing, yet feeling everything. It is hell in my mind at times.
I’m learning how to cope. To heal. Medications help me, but are not my silver bullet. They don’t shine a light on this darkness inside me. But, they do help. The rest is learning, and so far it’s been a steep learning curve.
In the last 4 years I have been in hospital 6 or 7 times for a couple of attempts at suicide, and severe depressive episodes mixed with the ptsd and borderline. My doctor in hospital told me that the first time he met me I was almost unmanageable. Now he says I’m a pleasure to work with, because I am putting in the effort to get healthy. It can be done. It is a slow grind, but I am getting there. I can honestly say, that after this last admission, I feel something I have not felt in a long time. Hope. It can be done.
Thank you for joining me on this journey.