A new future

I make no excuses. I have been struggling lately. Suicide has definitely been an option I have considered, at least emotionally. Logically, I know it is not the answer as I have seen what it does to families. But emotionally the voice is whispering, soothing, offering a peace that I have struggled to find.
I have ghosts in my past. Calls from my career in EMS that still haunt me. Flashbacks. My first wife completed suicide herself a time after we split. I have trauma that I have been struggling to use logic to deal with, which hasn’t been working.
I have been dealing with post traumatic stress disorder, borderline personality disorder, and depression, and to be blunt, my coping skills have not been up to par.
I have been a workaholic, I’ve self harmed, I’ve od’d.life has thrown it’s share of challenges my way. But I’m still standing.
Right now I am writing this post as a patient at a mental health facility, due to severe suicidal thoughts. I am struggling to find a balance between logic and emotion, which is a challenge because they are at such polar opposites of the spectrum. But I’m still standing.
I thank you for reading this far. And hope you join me on my journey of healing.
Kevin